Trying to Be Better
I think that now, with the 'me too' hashtag both trending and encouraging discussion of this difficult topic is a good time for men to do a little introspection and I'll begin.
As a man, I am certain that there are times, intentional or otherwise, when I, like almost all of us whether we like to admit it or not, have made a woman uncomfortable whether by our words or actions. It may well not have been intentional as men we occupy a privileged position that means we often don't consider how our words can make others feel less comfortable than they should be. As boys, we often pursued girls that clearly had no interest in us and who we should have stopped asking out the first time they said they weren't interested, some men continue that behaviour into adulthood!
It's not just that though, its thoughtless comments or careless actions that we do without considering as we should. The way we shake a man's hand but hug or kiss a woman in the same circumstances without considering how they feel about it, without stopping to ask or even to think about it.
You see it's not just about sexual harassment or assault, sometimes it's just about the sort of casual dismissiveness of another's concerns or the inappropriate comment which when piled upon so many before and the power imbalances that come from the accident of birth that selects your sex or gender grind women down, erode their strength, make them feel uncomfortable or unlistened to or disbelieved or not taken seriously.
It's about how we don't always see their fight even when it's under our noses. It's about how we make them feel no one believes them when they speak. How the term 'just joking' hand waves away their feelings. How the words 'Not all men' effectively silences them when they have something important to tell. It's about how even now when the discussion is finally being had about how almost every woman faces a level of harassment that only a fraction of men will ever face we still see people trying to re-focus the discussion onto men and off women.
No wonder they don't speak out when the worst happens when almost every day is a constant fight just to be heard. Just to be respected as equals. Just to be treated equally.For anyone that I've ever made feel uncomfortable in any way by not thinking or by some thoughtless words or carelessness, or by not taking you seriously, not listening when you spoke or spoke out, I'm sorry.
I will try to do better. I think we all should.
